EXCEL SAGA: The 2nd High School Mission
by Kaos-Raven
Summary: Excel and Hyatt are thrown into the world of AzumangaDaioh. What chaos will ensue when these two wild and unpredictable anime's collide? Update Now that Ed and Alphonse are involved, will it all go south?
1. The FanFiction World

Disclaimer: I do not own Excel Saga, Azumanga Daioh, or Fullmetal Alchemist, or any other Animes featured in this fic.

He looks around slowly and then jumps out of the blue with a read stamp on his thumb. "I hereby give my permission to turn Excel Saga: Quack Experimental Anime, into an Anime Crossover fanfiction. He jumped back down.

"Da da da da da da DAAAAA!"

that was the beginning to the "Excel Saga" opening video. Nabeshine watched as Excel and Hyatt sang, drooling slightly.

"Uh, sir………"

"I'm busy"

"But sir………"

"I'm busy watching the Excel Saga opening."

"But-"

"I SAID ME AND MY AFRO, which I recently named Charlie, ARE BUSY! Didn't you read the sign?" asked a very annoyed Nabeshine, as Charlie grew a disturbing set of arms and pulled a sign out of himself that read, "Nabeshine is busy watching the Excel Saga opening, please do not disturb."

"But sir, we have a problem, we didn't get copy-wrights from the other animes. We'll get sued!"

"Aww! No we won't! that's never stopped us in the past. EVER!" he said. "Right? I mean, we did air that power-puff girl once……… that won't come back to bite us will it? WILL IT?" he screamed, backing up in a fit of emotional rage.

"Well," said the intern. "I guess we'll just have to wait and see."

EXCEL SAGA: Quack Experimental Anime

The high school of Alchemy

"HAIL LORD ILLPALAZZO!" screamed a very excited Excel, which, isn't saying much, considering she's always like that. "Lord Illpalazzo! You're royal majesty will soon rule this city and the ideological Agency of ACROSS will soon triumph over all………" Excel babbled on and on as she always does.

"3………" said illpalazzo, rather impatiently.

"and hope of prosperity among zebras, and that the great lord ILLPALAZZO………

"2………" He counted, growing more tiresome.

"'That's a good monkey, healthy and strong,' said one of………"

"1………" he said finally, pulling the tasseled rope which now had a piece of paper taped to it that said "When Excel talks to much." This rope was green. He now had 5 ropes lined up next to each other, each with a piece of paper. The other four consisted of "When Excel sings"

"When Excel dances"

"When Excel comes within three feet of Illpalazzo"

and finally, the last and most deadly.

"Death to Excel."

SPLASH!

That was the sound of Excel falling to her doom, still talking, now on the subject of what happens when you hold you're breath until steam comes out you're ears. Something that Illpalazzo was now experiencing.

"That concludes Excel's 5 minute random babbling session."

"And then you're ears go numb, and you're head explodes," finished Excel, standing at attention.

"What was it this time senior?" asked a curious Hyatt, looking at Excel.

"I don't really know," she replied, "It was dark and slippery in there. It had teeth though………"

"Now," Illpalazzo cut in, "I have you're next mission. Seeing that you're mission at Inu-Nube high school didn't go so well, I've decided to give another try at observing the next generation. For this mission, you two will be sent to………um……… hmmm……… there appears to be a smudge over the name of the high school. ((If anyone can remember the name of the Azumanga Daioh high school, please tell me and I'll edit. Cause I cant remember!))

Anyway, you will be infiltrating class three under the assumed names, Excel and Hyatt."

Excel opened her mouth to speak. "But sir………"

SPLASH!

"Honestly Excel, I spent hours thinking up you're code name, do not question my authority."

Excel modestly replied, "AAAAHHH! THERE'S TWO OF THEM! AND THEY HAVE CLAWS TOO!"

"I knew you'd agree with my superior ideals."

"Um, Lord Illpalazzo, sir," began Hyatt. "Might you possibly come up with a more inventive codename than just switching our names-" she cut off, as she fell back and died, for the fifth time that morning.

A wet, slimy, and bloody hand emerged from the hole as a beaten bruised and bloody Excel crawled out of the whole. "Macrocozem………" she said slowly, after falling on the floor, dead.

"I swear, those two, always dying on the job. We will give a five minute break for the two of you to regain consciousness, right on schedule," he said, crossing off a schedule bullet. The Great Will of the Macrocozem went over and did her "Magic" on Excel, but since they had been through this process at least 30 times it went something like this.

"Woooo you're alive, ya ya you know the drill, now get up."

She said unenthusiastically, grabbing a pack of cigarettes.

"Wow, it's usually drawn out in the anime but I guess it happens a little different when you're in a fanfiction," said Excel, getting up and brushing herself off. "hey Hyatt, check it out! Since I am in a fanfiction, (I can talk in parentheses! Ooooh Im not actually talking)"

"But I can here you just fine senior."

"Ya but, oh, _now I'm Itallicized_!" Isn't that cool? You try, Ha-chan!

"Ok senior." She said, straining. **"How's this?"**

Excel sighed. "No no, that's bold. (not parentheses) you'll get the hang of the FanFiction world someday."

"I hope so senior." She replied.

"Now, of to you're mission," said Illpalazzo, pulling a string, as Excel fell back into the same hole she just crawled out of. Although this time, It slammed her into the pavement of the unsuspecting high school. What chaos will Her and special agent Hyatt bring? Find out on the next Excel Saga!

Today's Experiment ………………………………………………….Failed.

PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! All reviews good and bad are appreciated ;)


	2. The Full Metal Highschool

Hi everybody. DON'T KILL ME! I can explain! I haven't updated in awhile. …A _Long _while. Well, it seems that I was on a depressed and frustrated streak. I tried pot. It didn't help… I realized that It was the REVIEWS! I WASN'T GETTING ANY! It was then that I realized my profile was being a snob. For some retarded reason, my profile wasn't accepting anonymous reviews. So that fit of frustrated rage was pointless. Don't you hate it when _your _profile acquires self-awareness?

I told him I said, Freddy, you can't keep doin this… Those anonymous reviewers are your friends. So anyway, I fixed the problem, and am anxious to continue, so, without further adieu, I present:

EXCEL SAGA: Quack Experimental Anime 

Chapter 2

The Full Metal High school.

"Nii-san?"

"What?"

"Can we get a cat?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Al?" Said a very frustrated Ed, as the two brothers trudged on. "BECAUSE WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DESERT!"

This exclamation caused Alphonse Elric to cower in fear behind a mound of sand. "Ok Nii-san. Don't be so… hey, what's that?"

"It's not a cat Al. You're not fooling me 8 times in a row."

"No, there behind you. It looks like something… sharp." He approached wearily. Ed however, was utterly unfazed. He stood there and huffed, his arms crossed firmly over his chest. "You think you're _sooo_ smart. Al, That's not going to work again. I told you a thousand times. We can't get a cat. We can't feed it, we can't take care of- **_OOOMF!"_**

That **_OOOMF! _**Was non other than Edward Elric being squashed by a large, incredibly smooth and hard object. He clapped his hands and the sand around him turned to steel, and rose up to suspend what appeared to be a large red boulder. Steam escaped from Ed's ears and escaped through gaps in his automale. "ALPHONSE! What gave you the urge to smash me beneath 300 pounds of rock?"

Al simply pointed to a sticky note on its mirror-like surface that said, "The Philosopher's Stone," with a crude arrow pointing down. Al and Ed shared what we in the anime business like to call, a "Sweat-Drop."

"Is this really it? 3 years? This? I- I can't believe it Al! FINALLY! Our search is over!" He patted the stone in admiration. The stone did not like this. It arched its back and mewed lowly.

"It… It's a-"

"A CAT!" screamed Al, rubbing the top of the strange gem like rock.

"That is bizarre. What the?" Ed went wide-eyed as the stone shifted into a black cat and walked of.

"Oh DAMMIT! It was just envy's cat again Al," Sighed Ed. Then, shaking his fist, rattling the metal, he yelled, "THAT'S THE FIFTH TIME THIS MORNING!"

"Meow"

"WHAT? WHO DID YOU SAY WAS TO SHORT TO SEE YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT IN A MAGNAFYING GLASS!"

Al sweat-dropped. "She was just meowing Nii-san."

"Yeah well," Ed began, "she was thinkin' it!"

And so our story picks up again a few hours later. Ed and Al trudged pointlessly onward through the desert. Why is this you ask? Because I'm the writer and I say so. They are only in their world for a little part of this story, and I'm to lazy to think of a more clever setting. I'm not dumb, I just feel lazy today. It's Easter, so you all can kiss my shiny metal ass. (A.N. I don't own Futurama either.)

"I don't get it Al. We keep trying and yet we always seem to fail."

"Nii-san?"

"I mean, I've tried so hard for the past three years."

"Nii-san?"

"We've been through it all. Serial killers, loss of friends, deaths of comrades…"

_"Nii-san?"_

"and still we haven't even come close to our goal…"

**_"Nii-san?"_**

"After all of our suffering, and all of our commitment, we-"

**_"NII-SAN!" _**Screamed a muffled Al.

"What?" Said an agitated Edward, looking down. He simply sighed. "Sunk again…"

"You've gotta stop this Al!" Said Ed, straining.

"Nii-san, look!" cried Al. He heaved out another hunk of rock about the size of a besket-ball labeled, _The _real_ philosopher's stone. Note from the philosopher down below._

Ed and Al's eyes trailed down to the other sticky note, eager to see what deep meaning was behind the philosopher's note.

_Dear Alchemist,_

_Well, here you go._

_Love,_

_The Philosopher _

Ed and Al experienced another sweat drop.

"Is that supposed to be deep?" asked Al, scratching his head, the screeching of metal nearly deafening Ed.

_P.S. The following note has no deep meaning whatsoever. And on a further note, Eat your veggies, you'll grow taller._

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SMALL INSIGNIFICANT INSECT?" screamed Ed, furiously bashing the stone with his automail.

"Hang on Nii-san, there is another sticky."

_Ages 7 and up. Excessive clanging of metal will result in massive random transmutation. From **Preskool Toys**_

"Uh-oh," said Al, the stone already beginning to glow. 

"Oops" Said Ed, his mouth agape.

The stone shot a beam of red light. The beam stopped, and erupted into a massive red portal, a spinning vortex to another world.

The Elric brothers screamed, powerless to resist the spinning vortex of doom. They were mercilessly swallowed up, their hope resting in the hands of the philosopher's stone.

"Ok, this time, you're going down!"

"Um, what's Osaka doing?" Whispered a very confused Yumi.

"Aint' it obvious?" Said Osaka, deep in concentration. "I'm havin' a starin contest with this here rice ball."

"Um, Osaka, Rice Balls don't have-" she began, but was nudged in the shoulder.

"Don't say anything." Said Tomo. "You wouldn't want to ruin her fun would ya' now?"

"I really don't care either way," Yumi replied, helping herself to the Double Fire Ball Super Intense Crazily Insane Super Nova Death-

"Sorry," said Yomi, looking up at me. "The name fell of the bottle." She picked up the remaining letters and put them on the bottem.

Defying Wish You Were Dead Hot Sauce.

"Thanks Yomi. I Owe you a juice," I said.

"But, you're the writer, can't you just make juice appear?"

"Look down"

"Hey thanks!" She exclaimed.

"No prob; although, I have to cut back on interaction with the narrator jokes. They are WAY to over-used. And I want this story to be as IC as humanly possible.

"But, OOCness is fun!" Exclaimed a disappointed Tomo.

"Oh well, see you guys. I've gotta go be all Omniscient and introduce Excel Saga back into the plot. Cya."

"Bye," they all said in unison. All except Osaka, who's eyes were watering.

The bell rang loudly as all of the students poured into their classrooms, the gloomy rain doing nothing to improve the dismal atmosphere of school.

"Attention faculty and staff. Ms. Yukari has un-expectantly died- I mean caught a cold. Your to new substitutes will be… Ms. Excel Excel and Ms. Hyatt. Please welcome them students. That is all." There was a crackle, and then silence from the intercom.

"Ilpalazzo could have been a little more sparing Excel's back hurts and I don't like school!" Yelled a very loud Excel, as she entered the room.

"Yes I see what you mean senior." Squeaked a timid Hyatt.

They walked over to the front board. "Hello class, Excel's name is Excel." She picked up a piece of chalk and put it up to the board. "Excel LIKES CHALK!" She yelled, doodling all over the front board, talking nonsense all the while.

"Umm, I do believe we are supposed to teaching senior."

Excel stopped. "Oh, right. I'll open the table for any questions."

A dozen hands shot up. Excel checked her seating chart. "Uuuuh, I don't know. How about Mr. Koji?"

"But I didn't ask a question."

"JUST ASK IT!"

After combing his hair back down, he said, "Ok… Uh… were are you guys from?"

Excel smiled. "WE ARE FROM THE IDEOLAGICAL AGENCY OF ACROSS! WE SERVE LORD **ILPAL_AZZO! _**From our day to day missions, and our emergency food supply, MENCHI…!"

"You have a cat?" said Ms. Sakaki, as everyone turned to glare at her.

"Well, actually She's a dog, see?" Said Excel, holding up a picture.

_Looks a lot like a cat to me, _Sakaki thought, sitting back down.

So the introductions took place. Meanwhile, Another two curious characters showed up on the outskirts of the school grounds. "Nii-san, look!" said Al, pointing to the school.

"Shelter," Said Edward, "Good, I'm freezing out here."

The two brothers then began walking into what would become the most twisted adventure of their entire lives…

Today's Expiriment……………………………………**Failed.**

So? No that I set it to accept anonymous reviews, I hope to see a lot more up there. NO FLAMES. And by flames I mean, "You're story sucks, go away." I am not limiting negative criticism. By all means, criticize my work the world over, But constructively. How was everyone's P.O.V? I tried to make it as IC as possible. Did I?

Well, thanks for the reviews. Chapt. 3 up soon!


	3. Trouble at The Entrance

ALAS! After long last! I am continuing this fic! Rejoice Fish of the world! For you're savior has come. Were still waitin' on big "J". And now I give to you...

EXCEL SAGA: Quack Experimental Anime.

The Fullmetal highschool

Chapter 3

We join our struggling heroes after a desperate struggle with a raging vortex of death.

"..."

...A raging vortex of death...

"..."

...A raging vortex of... oh forget it. ED!

"Wa? who said that?"

You're suppose to be in pain!

"But, it didn't hurt..."

Oh never mind. You've already ruined the moment.

Ed and Al walked up awkwardly to the school entrance. "I wonder what this building could be?"

"it's a school you retarded reject," said Al, peering to the side.

"Yah? What makes you so sure? And What's with the name calling?"

Al pointed. Up on the side of the school, emblazoned in silver letters, where the words,

"It's a school you retarded reject."

"Oh," he replied foolishly.

Ed turned to the side to see a group picture entitled, "The Students Of High School class three. -and Osaka."

Ed peered at this quizzically. "Well, no use standing around out here." He began to walk into the school entrance. Standing amidst in the school was a long haired student with dazed eyes.

"Oh my..." she said. "You're really big..."

"Wow... thank you!" beamed Ed with pride. Never had he been called big in his life.

"If the short one would move out a' the way I'd see ya better..."

Steam poured out of Ed's ears.

The girl pointed surprisedly. "AH! What's that?"

"That would be steam pouring out of my ears, as quoted earlier in the text of the fanfiction," he said, pointing slightly up the page where the author had officially wrote it. "It's a metaphor used to depict anger..."

"Oh... well uhh... I can turn into a ragdoll!" she suddenly flopped as all of her limbs waved like noodles and she had a dazed pupil less face.

"WOAH! Nii-san, I've never seen chibi depicted like that!"

"Me neither Al," said Ed cautiously.

"I have a question," said Osaka, pointing at Al.

"What is it," said Al, with a sigh, spewing out the usual FAQ."

"Why am I so big? Why do I have a suit of armor on in the summer? Why does my voice echo?"

"No," said Osaka. "How come you say Nii-san and not brother? This is a dubbed fanfiction isn't it?"

"Well, that is because my American voice actor deserves to be slaughtered."

"Ahem..."

"And Ed's too."

"Thank you."

((I apologies for the OOCness. I am a little off my game tonight :( ))

"So... What's your name?" said Ed, feeling the utter lack of reason for this conversation.

Out of nowhere a group of dogs piled on top of Osaka and began furiously licking her face.

"OSAKA! Excel hired search dogs to rescue you from sure and utter lostness! You could have died!"

"Aw, no I wouldn't I jus' wandered off is all."

Yomi appeared next to Excel. "What about that time at the amusement park?"

"Uhh... well..."

"And that time at the bus station..."

"Uhh... er..."

"And that time at the aquarium..."

"Yaa... uuh..."

"And that time at the mall..."

"I went to the mall?"

"And that time in school when Excel... Oh, never mind... Who are they?" said yomi, finally giving recognition to Ed and Al. At this point, Ed's smoke had given up on being smoke and erupted into full-on fire. He clapped, and touched his head, the flames were extinguished.

"Let's just go inside." said Ed.

"Yup" Osaka chimed in, "School's where ya get smart jus' like me!"

Today's Experiment...Failed.


End file.
